This is a small compilation of the “walks into a bar” jokes for software engineers. Most of these aren’t authored by me.

Classics

  • A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, “Can I join you?”

  • A Foo walks into a Bar, joins his friend Baz and says, “Hello World!”

  • Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”

    The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”

    “Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”

  • A Java programmer walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “What would you like?” The Java programmer answers, “I would like……………….. a beer”.

  • Why did a SQL DB walk into a NoSQL bar and immediately left?

    Because there were no tables.

  • A Java programmer walks into a bar and shouts, “STOP EVERYTHING! I’m here to collect the garbage!”
  • A ruby programmer walks into a bar and says, “Well, this place is certainly a gem.”
  • A PDP-11 programmer walks into a bar and says “would I a beer. like”
  • A C++ programmer walks into a bar. The bartender frowns and asks, “Aw, why the long compile time?”
  • A C programmer and a C++ programmer walk into a bar. The C programmer decides to person_drink a struct beer*.
  • A C programmer and a C++ programmer walk into a bar. The C programmer decides to person_drink a struct beer*. The C++ programmer Objects, and when asked to justify his reasoning, provides references. The C++ programmer insists that the C programmer can simplify his order by following his provided templates. Meanwhile the C programmer has already finished his beer while the C++ programmer was compiling his argument.
  • A unit test walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices it seems upset and asks what’s wrong. The unit test shakes its head and says, “I’m such a failure…”
  • A python programmer walks into a bar and asks for something imported.
  • A node.js programmer walks into a bar and is asked why he isn’t wearing shoes or a shirt. He shrugs and says “They weren’t required.”
  • A Lua programmer walks into a bar. He brings his own table, which is actually himself.

(these are from here)

  • Three Haskell programmers walk into a bar. The bartender asks “do you all want a beer?”

    The first one says “no.”

    The other two turn out to never have walked into the bar at all.

  • Three Java programmers walk into a bar. The bartender creates a BeverageOrderProcessorFactory instance, uses it to create a BeverageOrderProcessor, then notifies each of the programmers of his desire to observe BeverageDesire events, handing them the BeverageOrderProcessor instance.

  • A web designer walks into a bar, but quickly leaves in disgust as he notices the table layout.

  • A Machine Learning model walks into a bar.

    The bartender asks, “What are you having?”

    The ML model responds, “Well, what is everyone else been drinking?”

Related to the Meltdown security vulnerability.

  • A CPU walks into a bar… Well, it doesn’t but you can tell it meant to.
  • A CPU walks into a bar and orders a beer. Well, it doesn’t but it walks out drunk anyway. Suddenly, it can’t find its wallet.
  • A CPU walks into a bar, drinks a beer and a neurotoxin. Decides to order a beer.
  • A CPU walks into a bar and decides to reorder a beer ;-)

An opensource programmer walks into a bar, and asks the bartender: is your tap water free as in free speech or free beer?

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist orders a glass of H2O. The second one says: “Sounds good, I’ll have some H2O too!“
The second chemist dies.

A QA Engineer walks into a bar.

  • Orders a beer.
  • Orders 0 beers.
  • Orders 999999999 beers.
  • Orders every beer.
  • Orders a lizard.
  • Orders -1 beers.
  • Orders 5.27 beers.
  • Orders a asdfgyoqgireuniub.
  • Orders .
  • Orders a null pointer.
  • Orders himself.
  • Orders ein bier.
  • Orders en öl.
  • Orders a be̶e̶r.
  • Orders a beer, and quickly orders another beer before the first is served.
  • Breaks all the glassware and orders a beer.
  • Comes with their own beer and then orders one.
  • Comes with a friend, and they both order a beer at the same time.
  • Walks into a bar backwards and orders a beer.
  • Stays in the pub overnight just to see what happens.
  • Orders a beer blindfolded.
  • Orders a beer veeery… slowly….
  • Orders a “><script>give_me_your_credit_card()</script>.
  • Orders a beer and pays with a note asking for another beer.
  • Orders the bartender.
  • Finally, the QA engineer leaves without paying, comes back, and asks for the tab.
  • The bar’s first real customer walks in and asks where the bathroom is. The bar bursts into flames. Everyone dies.

An SEO copywriter walks into a bar, pub, grill, public house, Irish, drinks, beer, wine, liquor, Grey Goose, best bar in San Francisco, California, whiskey…

Non-programmer but nerdy

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says “okay but only if you tell me a meta joke”. So the man says a man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says “okay but only if you tell me a meta joke”. So the man says a man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender gives him a beer. The bartender gives him a beer. The bartender gives him a beer.

Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar and doesn’t walk into a bar.